The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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