The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
