Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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