I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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