you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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