Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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