ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
