I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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