Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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