I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
