mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
