I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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