nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
