So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
