I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
