That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
