Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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