Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
