and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
third nipple confirmed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
