she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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