I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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