how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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