I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
