I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
