I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no, he came in my armpit
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
