Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
