found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
