The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
