happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
