i already hear my dad disowning me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
