His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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