Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
