I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
