absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
