Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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