I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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