I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
