Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
