Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
