better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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