So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
