I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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