Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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