we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I die, sorry about rent.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
