OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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