it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
