North Korea, Best Korea!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
