Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
