it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Congratulations! We have a period
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
