I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize