Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
