Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
