Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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