i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
