I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize