take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
