I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you never un-have a 4some
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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