if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
