my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
