I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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