My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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