Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
