I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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