I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
