4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
