My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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