My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
