somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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