morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
