on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
