Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
