i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
