I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
