Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
