i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
