kristin has been a bad kristin
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
