hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
