I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
