I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
