I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
