I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize