i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
