grandma shit on top of the toilet
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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