also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
