Are we in a gay sports bar?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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