that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
