Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
