We're like a lot better than the average bears
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
