I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
